21st ReBirthday

Here I am, all dressed up and nowhere to go.

Celebrating this age is so markedly different to when I last turned 21. Then I was high on life and chance, a cabaret dancer in Japan just having found her tribe in the nightclubs of Nagoya.

My reimagined commemoration sees the world in lock down whilst I sit indoors typing on a laptop. Through the window glimpses are caught of those walking their dogs in the sunshine, their eyes trained on little screens held in front of their faces. It’s a strange comparison to be able to make.

I am dressed up imaginatively. After all, I am someone who has integrated realities not commonly accessed. Life gifted me with a pair of dice, accompanied by awareness of the power to choose how they fall. This knowledge has not come easily. Work on my Self has been constant for all of these long years so honing the ability to focus is imperative.

Dedicate.

Shift.

Progress.

Pieces of ‘Me’ had to be placed together arduously yet this has not been without joy, though it took going through hell to recognise it. At times disguised in discomforting and confusing shapes, I’ve had to hold the flame high above my path to light the way.

Retrospect.

To overcome the constant urge to look back and compare has been hard won. However armed with the choice, I can now hope to be selective. Over the years it has become a source of strength.

21 years.

21 years of experience, of growth, of discovery and progression are also 21 years of loss, of grief, of struggle and abandonment.

Like any experience there are flip sides and I am grateful to have progressed to the stage where I can choose from which perspective I wish to view.

Here I am left musing… if I could be a voice in the ear of Eva as she went to dash across the road when the lights were about to change, would I warn her?

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